The Caretaker (2025)

The Caretaker (2025)- * * *

Directed by: Fady Jeanbart

Starring: Robert Bronzi, Quentin "Rampage" Jackson, Paul Logan, Neva Leoncini, Avaryana Rose, Mark Justice, Jacob Southwick, Brett Benowitz, and Daniel Baldwin

On the far outskirts of Las Vegas, old ghost towns have become tourist attractions. Someone has to take care of them. Someone has to be a CARETAKER, if you will. In the case of one particular dusty ol' burg, that happens to be a mysterious man named Adam (Bronzi). We don't know much about him, but presumably his name is Adam Caretaker. He doesn't talk very much, and when he does, it is with a thick accent of unknown origin. Adam is depressed because he has lost his daughter Grace (Leoncini). Occasionally, his buddy Hudson (Jackson), a musclebound preacher, comes by to cheer him up and keep him company. Other than that, nothing much happens around these parts. 

That is, until a crime boss named Draco (Baldwin) enters the picture. His daughter Gina (Rose) has become stranded in Adam's "off-season" ghost town (can these places have an off-season when it's blazing sunlight year round?). So Draco does what any self-respecting crime boss does, he sends his favorite goons to leave L.A. and go and retrieve Gina. His "pack of cards" baddies include Joker (Justice), Ace (Southwick), Jack (Benowitz), and their leader, naturally, is King (Logan). Draco tells them not to fail in their mission because Draco is dying of a terminal illness and doesn't have much time left to live. But what are Draco's true motives? The stage is now set for an all-out showdown between The Caretaker, Gina, and Hudson, and Draco's goons. Who will take care of who?

We're huge Robert Bronzi fans, so we're always excited when a new Bronzi film is released. As the Death Kiss poster states, "Justice has a familiar face", and we're glad he exists and is continuing to make movies. As seems to be the norm these days, it took many, many production companies to come together to make The Caretaker. They must think that Bronzi is in his Jason Statham era, because just as Statham's film titles say what he is - A Working Man (2025), or The Beekeeper (2024), for example, so have Bronzi's recent films, The Gardener (2021) and The Caretaker, say what he is. The plots even follow a fairly similar structure to Statham's, but with far less budget. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. The Bronzi titles may be subtly hinting to potential viewers that they're in for a similar viewing experience, that they're on the same par as Statham's. Where everything comes together is that Statham was The Mechanic (2011), and so was Charles Bronson (1972). 

When we first meet The Caretaker, it seems he's just the caretaker of a bunch of rocks. We didn't know that was a job that someone could have, but maybe it is in Nevada. Then Adam has to deal with these annoying punk teens, and then we thought, "Poor The Caretaker. He has it rough". Then, of course, he has to deal with Draco's goons, and to the movie's credit, each of them has a fairly unique personality. The "deck of cards" gang has a certain resonance with Reservoir Dogs's color-coded guys. Joker is indeed always joking around and wears obviously color-clashing clothes. Ace is a hulking MMA brute with long dreadlocks, Jack is a sniper with a Dr. Who scarf, and of course the leader, King, is Paul Logan. He is the owner of the Prerequisite Strip Club - a must to have in modern-day DTV. Back in 2014, in our Ballistica (2009) review, we said - to quote ourselves - "Something tells me we haven't seen the last of Logan!" Okay, I just added the exclamation point for fun, but, twelve years later, we were proven correct. Sadly, he doesn't do any Ballistica, but we were happy he was here nonetheless. 

That's the thing about The Caretaker - they actually got some names: Bronzi, Jackson, Baldwin, and Logan. This shows that they care about us, the DTV fans. That sort of appreciation goes a long way. The plot is a classic action setup (if not an old-time Western setup), there is plenty of punching and shooting (we didn't much care for the CGI blood and muzzle flashes but we'd be willing to gently look the other way on that), and we also appreciated that they didn't bother with much of a backstory. There's no wasted time. Draco wants his daughter back. Goons go to get her. Bronzi fights the goons. End of movie. You gotta love that. 

But there is just enough plot and heart to stop this from being a completely mindless beat-up/shootfest: Gina closely resembles Adam's deceased and long-missed daughter. Perhaps he feels that if he saves her from the danger surrounding them, he can redeem himself from what he failed to do before: save his daughter. Maybe he can even have a relationship with her. In turn, Gina can see Adam as a true father figure that she never had. Not an amoral gangster who doesn't care about her, but a man with morals and integrity. Draco wants his daughter back just because he's used to getting what he wants. Adam may never get his true daughter back, but he can find a surrogate in Gina, perhaps. It involves alpha males with daughters in a battle for supremacy. 

But if that's too much to contemplate, you can just concentrate on mind-numbingly stupid punch-ups such as the one between Hudson and Ace. In just one scene, at the strip club, there is this one guy wearing a black turtleneck who resembles Bronson Pinchot/Balki. He stood out in the scene because it was just so funny and weird. 

All in all, there's a lot to like about The Caretaker. You have to already be a fan of these sorts of movies; it's not going to win you over if you're not. But we are, obviously, and you must be too if you're reading this. So, long live Bronzi and may he continue to make DTV action films for years to come!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ultimate Force (2005)

Ultimate Force (2005)- * *

Directed by: Mark Burson

Starring: Mirko "Cro-Cop" Filipovic and Ruza Madarevic

A man named Axon Rey (Cro-Cop) could just rest easy in life, secure in the knowledge that his name is Axon Rey. One night, he gets tranq'd while walking in the park. He wakes up in a strange science lab where he seems to be undergoing cyber-brainwashing of some sort. He now has to go on missions for S.I.N. (the State Intelligence Network, which, judging by the meatheadedness of Rey, might be an ironic name). He now has the code name of "Sphinx" and said Intelligence means beating up a series of opponents. In the midst of all this, Axon Rey or Sphinx or Cro-Cop or whatever the hell his name is reconnects with "lost love" Sari (Madarevic) and they plan to escape the evil clutches of S.I.N. forever. But can they do it? Does Axon Rey or S.I.N. wield the ULTIMATE FORCE?


Support your local police: be pro-cop. Support Axon Rey and Watch Ultimate Force: be Cro-Cop. Or something like that. According to AI, there are about 50,000 titles (both movies and TV series) on Tubi right now. Ultimate Force is...one of them.


Sure, Cro-Cop doesn't talk much, but why is that a problem? When John Wick has minimal dialogue, everyone thinks it's great. Cro-Cop looks like a cross between Vinnie Jones and Ray Stevenson and is an MMA fighter. He lacks the charisma of a Bas Rutten, or of various types of pine, spruce, or oak. But you're not watching Ultimate Force to see a master thespian at work. You want him to punch and kick people, presumably. That he does, and there are these intercut little bits that look like they're from a 90's CD-ROM game that say "Damage" or "Fatal Damage". Even though the film is from 2005, it was shot in Croatia and they probably don't have up-to-the-minute effects tech. The techno soundtrack also sounds like it's from the 90's. Whether that's a good thing or not is up to you to decide.



It's like a less-hyper Gunblast Vodka (2000) or less-crazy Diamond Cartel (2015), in that sense. It has that depressed, eastern European feel that's beyond even what's shot in Bulgaria. But those two films don't have "fire wipes" in between scenes, which have a very "My First Editing Machine" feel to them, like at any moment Homer Simpson will say, "Star wipe and we're out!" There is also some "fast motion", as we call it. We don't mean to come off harshly regarding Ultimate Force, but once you get to the point, as we have, where you've watched so many action films you've gotten to Wayne Crawford and Mirko "Cro-Cop" Filipovic movies, you just have to kind of put your hands up in the air and say, "Yeah, okay. Here we are", and just go with it.



That being said, we still get some classic cliches. Notably, dialogue like, "We go a long way back, you and me", and "He's the best!", and scenes of Prerequisite Torture of the hero. Sure, all of this has a sort of sci-fi twist involving an AI robot of sorts named Caesar, but somewhere in the mix, elements that used to be integral to filmmaking, such as dialogue, plot, characterization, decent lighting, and, not to get greedy, but emotion, surprises or twists, got lost along the way, it seems. Maybe that's what happens when you make a whole 90-minute film around a name, and an MMA name at that. This becomes especially evident in the final third of the film or so, when there is no action whatsoever. Is that because writer/director Burson thought the audience would want to spend this time watching Cro-Cop attempt to act? It's all kind of funny in its way but also quite confusing.


Not to be confused with the Ross Kemp TV series of the same name, Ultimate Force is not exactly a must-watch. MMA fans or the more masochistic among you may want to dare these strange waters. If you stay tuned until after the credits, we get a James Bond-style note: "Axon Rey will return in..." Although, to date, that has not happened, it comes off as more of a threat in this particular case.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty